When We Are Young, We Think We Are Invincible

A Journey Through Life, Cancer, and Financial Preparedness

When we are young, we think we are invincible. By the time I entered my teen years, I thought I would be dead by 25. No reason behind it. Just a thought that I would not be here. As I passed the expected age of demise, I went back to forgetting about an expiration date. When you reach your 40s and as high school reunions become part of your life, you consider it just a tad bit more but continue with your life. By the time you enter your 50s and 60s, it becomes more of a thought but still not prominent. Family life, work, and other daily tasks act as a distraction. Even when I was diagnosed in 2019, I didn’t worry too much. Both the doctor and I were confident the hysterectomy would be a cure-all end-all. Again, I continued with my daily distractions after the healing process. Boy were we both in for a rude awakening.

When 2021 rolled in, to our surprise, cancer was back. First came the shock. How? Why? I thought the hysterectomy got it all! Then the disappointment. How much time? I still have so much to do! Do I want to go through the treatments? On and on. Last, the mental breakdown. I was never good with finances. Never thought about life insurance outside of my job, no will, no plan for financial wishes, nothing. I was stressed, pissed at myself for not being more responsible, and just downright disgusted that I was so irresponsible. I allowed myself all those emotions. Went through all those emotions like paddling a canoe through a hurricane. After I made it somewhat intact through the hurricane, it was time for action. As the old gospel goes, “It was time to clean up what I messed up.”

I set into action with a plan first to clean up my finances. Pay off as many bills as fast as I could. After all, I don’t know when I will be expiring even though my faith said I would live to a ripe old age. I had to prepare just in case. The last thing I wanted to leave my kids with was a financial disaster while they are trying to grieve. Financially, I still have a way to go, but I’m getting there. Next, the insurance matter. I had a nice policy through my job, but as I researched, I realized that it could go away or reduce at any time. If by the grace of God, it stayed intact, it would be enough to pay off the house or nearly pay it off or other bills if not needed for the house. Also, I learned by not investing in insurance when I was younger and in better health now worked to my detriment. There isn’t too much coverage you can obtain when using the word, cancer. Thank goodness I was able to get enough to cover burial expenses. I’m a simple person. I don’t need a Cinderella home going. With the finances being in the works and the insurance handled, the sad part of the final preparation part began. Sad because it was time to think about my expiration date. No longer being around. Possibly not seeing my grandkids grow into wonderful adults I know that they will become. Unfortunately, the process had to be undertaken. The only thing I want for my kids when the time comes is the time to grieve properly. Whether it be a year from now or 20 years from now. I want to remove as much stress as possible. I took a page from my mom, who went as far as writing her own obituary. Sorry mom. I can’t be that morbid. I laid out a simple plan for cremation. No big Tada. No big farewell. A service if only they want it and no repast. Will they follow it? I don’t know, but I do want to give them that.

With all what I considered top priorities out of the way, the stress diminished. I felt as if a weight was lifted, and I took to the task of fighting. I will continue to fight until there is no fight left. When the time comes, I will have the assurance that I did all I could to make my passing as easy as possible. Prayerfully, it will be enough.